my aunt went to cape cod with her husband and brother and they went to the beach and she was flying a kite when this guy came up to her and said “ooh whatre you doing with that kite?” and being the sassy bitch my aunt is, said “im air fishing" without looking at him so he just says "…ok" and walks away and she looked over and her husband and brother were cracking up and it turns out she dissed justin timberlake
I don’t remember the last time you ever complimented me. Dude.
THANKS FOR MAKING ME CRY RUDE
The clock one got me.
This post actually made me teary eyed.
This is bloody heartbreaking
Got to the second one and realized what it was FKIN TEARS
once i got very drunk in a bar and my mum had to pick me up so i was trying to act normal by keeping the conversation so i asked her if shes a virgin and she looked at me with pain in her eyes and said “i wish i was”
do you ever think about the judges for the triwizard tournament trying to figure out who to kidnap for the second task
like they’re all just sitting in dumbledore’s office and karkaroff goes “well word on the street says that krum has a crush on that granger girl”
"damn," says dumbledore, "I wanted harry to rescue her. well, what about the delightful miss chang?"
"no," says bagman, "we’ve got her down for diggory"
"stop sinking my ships," says dumbledore
I asked my italian grandfather if the rough parts of Italy were called the spaghetto and he looked at me with so much shame.